the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
