I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
