Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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