If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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