my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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