I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
