Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
