Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
He kissed a someone with a penis
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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