yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I wear drunk well.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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