Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
