why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
