You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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