she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize