will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
