no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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