Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
