at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
