rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
