I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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