those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
