took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
