I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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