"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
