We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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