im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
