I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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