it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
