Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
