if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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