it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Randomize
