I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize