I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
