I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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