All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize