my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
