DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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