Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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