oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
