I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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