PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
