it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I deserve this hangover.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
