she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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