i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
