Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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