come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
