he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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