Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
