Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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