I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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