I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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