Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
