I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
