He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
