I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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