Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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