He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
