it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
