Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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