It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Randomize
