Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
