Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
