I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
