So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
