return my video game
Can Purell be used as lube?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
