dude i'm inner monologue high
there's paper in my vomit.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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