I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
